WindyCityFabulous

Austin is the New Aspen

2005-05-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

I like to make sure that you all know - also to note - Edun is the new Sevens.

I don't know who that guy is in the picture either - but he kinda makes me chuckle.

Northerly Island What the Fuck

2005-05-10T13:52:00.000-07:00

Meigs Field is now to be referred to as Northerly Island. Why? Cause Northerly Island as a name is so cool and very easy to say. Perhaps I shall starting referring to the area as Nortland. Whatever, they will have loads of good musicians playing there in June/July/August (Jack Johnson people!) as part of the evil Clear Channel and super-ego Boss Daley's summer concert series. However, unlike Ravinia - you can bring in nothing - no booze, no lawn chairs, no nothing. Stupid. Case and point, please refer to the "what to bring" for a concert FAQ within the above link. While the question asks "what to bring" for the concert - the answer is entirely made up of "what not to bring".

Mayor Daley is slowly driving the city mad. I am starting an anti-Daley campaign right now!

Chicago to Mayor = Yo! We are sick of your Daley dose of crap!

The Faithful

2005-04-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

Have you heard about the Virgin Mary image that supposedly has appeared under the Kennedy Expressway at Fullerton? It's been receiving all kinds of media coverage since being discovered by a NW side woman last week, and the police have even had to come in to do crowd control of the "faithful" that keep flocking to the site:

I have to say, no disrespect intended, but I just don't see it. This just looks like a a big 'ol smudge. If it resembles anything, I would say Yoda, not the Virgin Mary. Now, to contrast, the grilled cheese sandwich Mary -- that, I could see, and I'm not even Catholic.

Review of Jack Johnson in between dreams

2005-03-22T13:11:00.000-08:00

If you want to listen to very chill music that can sometimes be sappy because apparently Jack really loves writing songs about his wife....you will love this cd. If you are insecure in your relationship and ask your boyfriend why he doesn't write great songs about his undying love for you and you end up getting into a stupid fight over it - well then, you might not like this cd.

Drives me crazy

2005-03-22T13:03:00.000-08:00

'kay - what's up with Bloomingdales 5th floor sales area? Why are they always constantly changing the floor - I had to search for five minutes to find the D&G section! Stop moving it around.

Chicago Girls That Might Suck Vol. 1

2005-03-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

If anyone makes a fake evite profile for you - they might suck a little bit.

However, if they also are windycityfabulous material - shameful! someone owes me a drink.

Ugggh! Chicago Girls that Suck Vol. 3

2005-03-21T16:49:00.000-08:00

Ok - to all the girls that go to Japonais to be seen and stuff and think that God might have made them the hottest thing in Chicago - get a life, kay?

You suck - Sorry for you.

You suck because you don't realize that Japonais is a very terrible second-rate LA wantabee "maybe we will see a D-list actor" sort of fake paparazzi establishment where even the bartenders take bets on how many reality tv stars will show up for free ass-kissing by tanorexics all done up in 2004 BEBE 50% off rejects.

Please - I would tell you where to really go if you wanted to meet, like, a B-list star and all in this town but - if you don't know - well......you suck.

Chicago Girls That Suck Vol. 2

2005-03-18T15:44:00.000-08:00

1. The charles david shoe salon girls really suck. First of all - your shoes hurt like a mother - so don't try to tell me that a five-inch heel will fix my already perfect posture.

Second - if someone wants to purchase a pair of shoes - get the flip off of the phone - ok, honey! He's just not that into you.

And - go easy on the bebe clothes - cause stregth poly in pastel colors looks gross on you.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

2005-03-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

Chicago in March really really suck - I mean - it really sucks -
First of all - you just want it to be flippin' spring already but NOOOOO - we have two more months of "surprise" its snowing out today or "surprise" its 55 and sunny - day in and day out - why can't mother nature send the good vibes and some consistency in the temps around here....I am slowing going mad as the frosty temps dull my soul.

So in light of all this - here is THE GOOD - Finally there is a Time Out Chicago! Finally - I don't have to endure stupid metromix with their stupid "made for schaumburg residents with bad humor" headlines. Finally - a publication not too biased or bizarre like The Reader can tend to be!!!!

Although - I guess if you really want to be a hipster around this place - you probably follow the flavorpill chicago website - right? Oh - you don't know what that is? Sorry - I would post the link but if you don't already know - you are not COOL. end of story.

The Bad - well, besides the weather - the Bad is for St. Patrick's Day - I can't tell you how annoying it can be to see people just getting wasted for the hell of it all in the name of the Irish- oh wait, I can tell you how annoying it is. I used to be one of these people....and then, I became friends with real Irish people - not Irish American wantabee types (which does account for a good % of my friends twice removed) Anyway - they don't go crazy across the pond. It amateur day for real.

The Ugly - Rockit Bar's menu - where is the imagination? where is food I actually want to eat? And why in God's good name are they selling $10 cans of Sophia Mini's - do they not know that these were hip like 12 months ago and that champagne is, well barf.

Why I Now Sympathize With Britney Spears

2005-03-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

I can't go into details, but let's just say that thanks to a certain work project I did a while back that involved an extremist group, my personal safety has recently become an issue and my company has decided to provide me with security. Although I managed to convince the powers-that-be here at the office that I do not need a 24-hour bodyguard, I was unable to stop them from posting a surveillance agent outside my back door. I'm not kidding -- there is a huge, armed man that sits in an idling SUV outside my condo each and every night from 6 p.m. until 8 a.m. While I suppose that this should comfort me and make me feel secure, it's actually a little creepy to be watched all the time, and I don't like getting shined in the face with a flashlight every time I get out of my car or take out the trash. Even worse, it has been "strongly suggested" that I not go anywhere alone, which means I now have no personal freedom -- if I want to go to the grocery I have to wait until Garron is available to escort me. (Thank god for Peapod at least!) After dealing with these relatively minor security measures, I can only imagine how Britney Spears must feel with people watching her every move round the clock. I gotta say that I am much more sympathetic to her plight these days. In fact, it now makes sense why she married K. Fed and has generally been acting so disgusting -- she is probably hoping that she'll drive away all her fans and thus be left alone. Poor, poor thing.

I swear

2005-03-02T13:51:00.000-08:00

I swear I saw John Paul from the bachelorette on Rush street. I was having lunch at Le Colonial and he walked right by. have to say that he is definately better looking in person than on tv. And he also looked quite nice - why our little jen didn't choose him over "la playa jerry" is a big fat mystery to me but I guess she didn't want to lead on a guy that really liked her.

In other Jen news - I think she should sue the ABC folks for making her look like a total asshole! Not like I really care because her outfits were just awful on TV - but really - they made her look like a total slutty whore with the after the final ceremony show - when she basically "dumps" Jerry (a total reality tv slave) on the air.

Too bad - us Midwest girls feel for you Jen....but really - please please stop with the busy tops and glittery tops and too tight tops and the over the top tops - didn't you ever hear that those outfits don't film well on TV? Probably the ABC people made you wear those outfits - again - add that to the civil suit.

Chicago Girls That Suck

2005-02-26T14:29:00.000-08:00

This is my new little fun bit I am gonna be doing here on the fabulous - so some Chicago girls really suck!

I will start with my upstairs neighbor - now she is a chicago girl that sucks -
first of all - you are not hot - so don't think those chunky-heal boots are hot too - gosh can you say 1997?

Also - raving is not an activity anymore - it went out with Dawson's Creek, ok?
you suck if you infer to partying as raving - there is no excuse.

and finally - despite the fact that your ashtray on your porch is the side is of your over-inflated head - it is windy in this city and your ciggi buts land on my veranda with the bad weather and all - you suck for this too!

Next week - a famous chicago girl that sucks edition....

Unfortunately, Life is Not Fabulous During February in Chicago

2005-02-22T11:43:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, while we at windycityfabulous try to be fabulous no matter what the weather, it's quite difficult to feel fabulous during February in Chicago. It's cold, alternately rainy and snowy, the ground is one big mess of mud and sludge and really old garbage that blew out of someone's trash bin during one of this winter's storms and dog poop from irresponsible dog owners whose fingers were too cold to deal with a poo-poo bag and who figured no one would see that pile of crap anyway since it melted itself to the bottom of the snow bank. Uggh.

Or maybe I'm just crabby because I snagged my favorite silk blouse today on the sorry excuse for a desk that's in my office.

Review of Tucci Benuch

2005-02-01T14:25:00.000-08:00

This Italian restaurant is located in 900 North Michigan - it is pretty awful but there is one good thing on the menu that is worth getting take out for - the fresh fried mozzarella. You have to order it with the sauce on the side without oil or else you might gain two pounds in like a half-hour....but other than that it is so so good.

Don't eat in the restaurant - there is a funky smell.

Jen Schefft

2005-02-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or 1. Is she always drunk on the show? 2. Is her stylist also working with Dolly Parton?

I was just wondering.....

P.S. This picture is Jen's attempt at a Dynasty hair do.

P.P.S. I don't blame the girl for putting a few back - her options are slim on the show - I would demand a refund if I was her.
P.S.S. She should have stuck with Frabrice - he makes for great TV....and that is really what this show is all about.

Blogs & Jerry Springer - Little Pills for a Down Day

2005-01-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

Everybody knows that if you are feeling a bit down, all you need to do is watch a smutty day time talk show like Jerry Springer or Maury P.

What I just realized is that randomly browsing blogs will result in the same "hey, I'm not so bad" effect.

Sure, there are those blogs that flourish with witty insights or make you laugh out loud. Unfortunately they are outnumbered.

- Instead one finds a blog that is entirely devoted to wedding hairstyles...really, they all look the same and they aren't "amazing" like you claim.
- Or, here is one that gives the minute by minute account of how Billy is doing in daycare....why not just tape record Billy's life and post avi's online. Is anyone's life interesting all the time? Well, let me tell you how exciting it was to brush my teeth this morning....
- Then there is a blog devoted to true love. Has all sorts of mushy stuff. I'm sure that the couple who put it together 3 months ago won't post in a year. Really - if I wanted to view this crap then I would just hang out at the local high school for an afternoon.

So, I say: First, thanks to all who are clever & entertain us with thier blogs. Second, thanks to those who don't but somehow manage to make our day better anyway.

Can't Post-

2005-01-12T16:10:00.000-08:00

Mia's sick and overworked, and I'm too busy posting on autoweek.

But other than that, things are great.

I'll admit it

2005-01-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

I will admit it folks, sometimes I wish that I was not a hard working productive individual. Instead I wish that I could sleep in every day and have to think really hard about what I was going to do with all the time in the world....but then I snap back into reality while I sit at my desk and think - "another potentially great day filled with hard work and no real enlightenment" - and then I wonder - "What is it going to take to get me off this dark horse of normalcy that I always swore off I would detest?" But then my friends call me and tell me that I am crazy and weird - but still super hot - so I feel better.

In Response...

2004-12-31T17:59:00.000-08:00

to Mia's post, I clicked on the link, and I did see it! Ewww! It reminds me of that movie 28 Days. Wait, I mean 28 Days Later -- I think "28 Days" is the one with Sandra Bullock.

Anyway, I note also that the lovely website sells "bear electric fences." I bet those things are way more effective than the pepper spray -- my dog peed on an electric fence when I was a kid, and he wouldn't come out of his house for a week.

Jogger Fogger

2004-12-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

Ok - you know when you run across something that really gets you thinking on a website or something that is just a bit out of the ordinary - well - please click on the UDAP link and brush your curser over the picture of the outdoors-type man.

Did you do it? Did you see it?

Anyway - to all of those urban dwellers that would like nothing better than to bear pepper spray some rapist asshole that is roaming around Lakeview right now - buy the spray.

And to all a good night!

New Year's Eve Do's and Don'ts: A public service message

2004-12-30T15:50:00.000-08:00

So, ladies: in case you haven't been paying attention, ponchos are lame. But I know some of you refuse to give up on them, so please do me a favor, even if you have a real pretty cashmere one in your closet that you've been saving for a special occasion: FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T WEAR A PONCHO ON NEW YEAR'S EVE! It's cold, so you should wear a coat, and nothing (and I know that's saying something, given that it's New Year's Eve) could make you look more ridiculous than trying to stuff your poncho'd arms in a winter coat. Thanks.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about activities for the big night... I wish I could suggest a fabulous party, but Garron and I are multi-tasking in a low-key way this year, hitting a couple of private parties and then having a late-night dinner at a steakhouse. So if you haven't firmed up your plans yet, my only suggestion is that you avoid the Chicago-Scene party at the Drake at all costs. I made the mistake of going there my first year here in Chicago -- what a nightmare. I won't get into the rude waiters, crappy hors d'ouevres, and long lines at the bar, I'll just point out that they only have one women's bathroom! For like 500 women! The year I was in attendance, 10 minutes before midnight, one of the toilets overflowed, and the whole bathroom was flooded with piss -- seriously one of the grossest things I have ever witnessed. Stay away, stay far away.

Unless, of course, you are a horny 23-year-old guy looking to hook up with a trashy chick (in which case I don't know why you're reading this, but anyways) -- then you'll love it. But please make sure that the lady you kiss at midnight is really a lady. See Exhibit A, from the Drake party last year:

Champagne Wishes and Happy New Year to all! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

The White Elephant Got Ugly

2004-12-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I took part in a holiday season tradition: "The White Elephant Party".

The rules of the game:
1. Bring a gift.
2. Draw #'s.
3. When your #'s up, choose a gift or steal one from someone who has already taken their turn.

Well....it was all fun & games until one blond guest forgot that this game is played with gifts and not people. You see, Miss Charity is a little blondie from North Carolina (an airline attendant who does massage therapy on the side). Charity came to the party with Jake, our single bachelor friend and was introduced to me and my husband as the evening began.

Do you ever meet those girls who simply must conquer all men in the room? Must captivate, must devour with smiles, must showcase curves....well, Charity was of that breed. The breed I think should be sent elsewhere, where women are paid to prance about for men.

Needless to say after our official White Elephant Game (I scored Bath & Body Works). I found Charity all cuddled up with my husband, sitting on his lap, laughing and smiling. I turn to Jake, and graciously say "I'm getting jealous, your friend is hitting on my husband, why don't you take her home?"

But what I really wanted to say to Charity was, "Get your damn bimbo ass off my husband, have a good life collecting plastic cups on your Express flights, and find someone who can better appreciate your fake blonde hair and your career aspirations as a massage therapist."

More Leatherette Regret

2004-12-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

I wasn't making this up, check out Joe S's comment on Autoweek.

I have to say, I really respect Joe S. It's a rare man who can admit when he made a mistake, and to do so in an effort to help others makes him a real gem.

But I still wouldn't go out with him ladies, until he replaces those seats!

By the way, I saw Mia at the party. While she was the drunk girl, she wasn't that drunk. And she had a very fetching outfit on that I saw on Sarah Michelle Gellar last year at the MTV awards, I think. Drunk, but stylish.

Drunk Girl

2004-12-12T11:48:00.000-08:00

I was the drunk girl at the party last night.

So if I said anything that was incriminating or humiliating - please don't remind me. Thank you.

Christmas Time!

2004-12-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

Hi - I celebrate Christmas - there, I said it. It is the Christmas season - I'm sorry but why do I have to say Holiday Season now? Huh?

I am going to wear a tee shirt (yes, shrunken, baby tee slightly see-through and maybe pink - I'm not the grinch) that says - ITS CHRISTMAS TIME. NOT HOLIDAY TIME.

Oh boo hoo - I can't stand Holiday season time. I want to ask a question - who are these people that seem to be offended by people using the C-word during December?

Anyway - That is not what this entry is about - its about a famous Chicago area Christmas party that is going down tonight. Yep - the Jims Christmas Party.

My friends and I have gone to this thing forever and every year the same guys approach us with greetings using our fake names. Remember in your very early twenties when it amused you to use fake names with guys that were trying to pick you up? Well - karma's a bitch, girls. Like, for example, the fact that over half of the guys at this Jims party think my friend's name is Shaki (that would be Jaid) and I go by as just Shaki's friend Holly. Yep. Five years with the fake names at this one Christmas party. In addition to the fake names - we have fake identities that go with these names. Like the fact that Shaki works at the Currency Exchange on Division and got me a vanity plate that reads Holly-Ho. Yep - these guys think I drive around a car with Holly-Ho on the back...and trust me, my Holly-Ho act is very good, but Shaki might take the cake with her bug-juice concoction she got these guys to drink one year......

"W" is for "Whatever"

2004-12-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm sorry, but I just don't get why the W hotels are supposed to be cool. W Lakeshore -- I lived next door in the Onterie Center back when you were just a sorry excuse for a Days Inn, and truth be told, the glitter and the faux fur decor don't hide your humble roots. You're like Anna Nicole.

W on Adams -- I used to think you were a step above your poser cousin to the east, what with your pretty gilded Living Room ceiling and all. Not after last night. Met some of the girls there for drinks, only to deal with the rudest, skankiest waitress ever. First, she was wearing an outfit that would put Courtney Peldon to shame -- slit up to there and hanging down to here. But the real kicker was -- we were paying the bill, and one of my friends asked how she should compute the tax on her drinks. I helpfully replied that the tax on drinks is close to 10%. Overhearing me, and misunderstanding me (she thought I was talking about her tip, I guess), Skanky Waitress snarked "Try 20%," complete with bitchy eye-rolling.

Um, listen Missy, why don't you try this: "I wasn't talking to you" and add a little "Since you're such a greedy, snotty bitch, as well as a skank, 10% can now be what you get for a tip too."

After paying, I headed over to the front desk to get my valet ticket validated, fully intending to put in a word about my unhappiness with Skanky Waitress. Instead, I was made to wait in a ten minute line, and then told by Irfan the Front Desk Man that they wouldn't validate my ticket and that instead, I would be paying $24 for parking. When I expressed my shock that they could charge so much for two hours, Irfan explained "M'aam, we're not like other places in the city. This is the W."

Damn right they're not like other places -- last week Genevieve and I enjoyed a wonderful happy hour at the Four Seasons, complete with excellent service, roaring fire, and spiked hot cider served in a cute little teapot. All those jackasses with the leatherette-seated BMW's can have the "W" and its overpriced valet and underdressed skank waitresses.

BMW Owners: I know your dirty little secret

2004-12-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

So I've been shopping around for a new car, and while I generally don't have nice things to say about BMW (it seems like a lot of people who drive them are jerks), I was walking past their showroom on Clark Street (on my way to the Audi dealer actually), when I spotted the cutest gray-green colored 3-series on the floor, which would coordinate so well with my wardrobe:

I decided to take it for a test drive, and was even happier when I learned that it had all-wheel drive, and it was so fast. So we sat down to talk some numbers, but I just couldn't justify what they wanted me to pay. The dealer offered a helpful suggestion: I should get a car with "leatherette" interior instead of leather to shave some dollars off the price.

JAID: Excuse me? 'Leatherette'? You mean fake leather? I'm sorry, but no way.
DEALER: Don't worry! If you don't tell your friends, they'll never know.

Okay, this totally appalled me. Basically what he was saying is, no matter whether you are really comfortable, or whether your ass sticks to your seats in hot weather -- all that matters is what other people think. In other words, this is the car for people who want to show off, but can't actually afford to. And there must be a lot of those folks out there, because the dealer let slip that fully half of the 325's out there have leatherette seats.

So I have this to say to all those jerks with the lame vanity plates cutting me off in their "fancy" BMWs: I know your dirty little secret. And I'd rather go out with a sensible guy who drives a Honda than a jackass who's willing to pay $33,000 for a car with plastic seats.

By the way, I bought an Acura.

Manhattan Transfer

2004-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

Manhattan Transfer

This is a blog of some guy that probably lives in Manhattan (just a guess) - anyway - please find the entry about what women to avoid dating during the holiday season. I believe the post was either written December 2nd or 3rd. Anyway - this post really made me laugh so hard. I LOVED IT...so I am passing it along to my lovely readers. On a side note - I was kinda stunned that so many of the comments from this post were of guys that had dated girls like this. Who are these guys? and more importantly, Who are all these girls? (a generalization, I know - but deal, ok)

Last time I checked, the biggest issue in the dating scene here was if a Domer was dating someone from U of M? but hey, I guess the sexy singles of Manhattan are more progressive that us simple midwestern folks.....(praise be to God for that!)

Definition of a Bar Stool Slut

2004-12-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

Oh the joy of seeing one in action....this particular breed of "bar fly" likes to pull men that sit next to her on the barstool.

Typically, the BSS (bar stool stut) is innocent looking enough at first - she will go to a bar with friends and mingle with them during the night - but at some point she will find herself at the bar, on a bar stool - trying hard to make-out with the drunk guy next to her...
This particular type of bar fly will not want to make out in a dark corner or just go home with the man, NOOO - she wants to scoot her bar stool close enough to the guy next to her and wrap her arms around him and do slutty stuff to him - That is a Bar Stool Slut.

It is embarassing to be friends with these types of girls because they end up slobbering all over some drunk guy that makes your thanksgiving turkey look like Tom Cruise in comparison and in doing so - becomes the talk of the bar/club/whatever. Then you can never return to your bar because the bartender will ask you questions like "Geez - aren't you friends with that BBS? She was here last night and camped out for a good three hours before she found her next victim."

Variations of the Bar Stool Slut include the Bar Stool Flirt - very touchy feely but no real action and the Bar Stool Golddigger - Like the flirt but smarter because she orders drinks on guys tab all the while knowing that she is not going to make-out with this guy, anywhere - at any time...

MIA....

2004-12-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

I forgot to ask this earlier, but what, exactly, is a bar stool slut?

Please provide clarification for me and all our readers. The public deserves to know.

My Own Little Update: I LOVE MERLOT

2004-12-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

That's right, baby, it's me and merlot forever! I love it, I drink it every day, I've even considered taking a bath in the stuff, and would do so too, if it was not cost-prohibitive.

I saw that movie Sideways too and all I have to say is, that main character was the biggest loser ever (which is he why he was played by Paul Giametti, who has made an entire career out of playing the loser in every film he's in), and if it's guys like him who started the social stigma against merlot, then that makes me want to drink even more of it! And I will!

In separate news, I know we all mourn the passing of Johnny Vegas last week (supposedly of an O.D., but who can be sure?). If you don't know who Johnny Vegas was, well then you just don't know, and never mind. Just realize that Saturday nights at Harry's Velvet Room will never be the same. (Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is a matter of interpretation.)

As for my own adventures, I can report that in addition to Ginbucks, if you are looking for a man, you should definitely head to a YREP party. "YREP" stands for Young Real Estate Professionals, and my friend Genevieve dragged me to their annual holiday party at Pasha last week. Pasha is apparently a very lame club, because we were there at 7:30 on a Thursday night, and except for the private YREP party upstairs, it was deserted. But YREP -- I can sum it up simply: lots of very good-looking men in suits. My only caution is that you should be prepared to be "hit on" in a networking/business sense as much as you will be hit on in a romantic/dating/sexual sense. If you get hit on in the business sense and you're not actually in to real estate, you can do as I did: claim you are a cashier at Dominick's and don't have business cards. When I pulled that line, some title firm gave me three free ink-pens out of sympathy!

Did you say "Pot Muffin Grandma"?

2004-12-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hi guys,

Well - here is the weekend review for you.
1. My South Beach Diet is not making me lose any weight - I haven't lost but a measly two pounds and - trust me when I say that every other day - I seriously don't eat any carbs.
2. Went to the movie Sideways on Friday night - talk about a movie about two pathetic men...they were so pathetic it was painful for me to watch.
However, a Very Important Social Stigma was unvealed in the movie - DON'T ORDER OR DRINK MERLOT ANYMORE - ITS THE NEW WHITE ZIN.
3. On Saturday night I went out with several friends to Wicker Park area of the city. We stopped at two places.

My first review is of Blue Line Grill - its an upscale dinner in a club car (that's its claim to fame). The mix of people was good - not too many wantabee hipsters trying to hard with the converse and the spiky hair - and not too many yuppy guys or older drunken women...plus you could throw in several lesbo couples (no gays here though - they don't screw around when it comes to food) and there you go... The food was fine - when it finally showed up (an hour after we ordered it) and I think that our waitress forgot to take her xanex because she was not dealing with the stress of waiting tables very well - or else she was strung out on some sort of bad high - who knows, we were in Wicker Park. PLEASE NOTE - If you go to this place (I don't really think you should bother, but anyway) order a wine flight - I got three full glasses of half-way decent wine out of the deal for only $10! Can you believe!

Next - our glamourous friend Sarah had invited us to a suprise party for her boyfriend Ted at Ginbucks - so we made our way to Milwaukee Ave (one of the coolest streets in the City, my friends - but I will save that for another night)
Ginbucks is cool because of several things - first of all - the proportion of guys to girls is like 10 to 1 so if you are single - get your butt over there. Next, the music they play is so great - Its like all of the best songs from the 70s, 80s, 90s plus the best dance music that never is played enough on the radio - needless to say - we have to convert the area in the back of the pool table to a dance floor....
If this is not enough to get your butt moving to Ginbucks this weekend, listen up!
The Pot-Muffin Grandma plays pool there and she is worth the trip. A truely original player, that one...but don't stare at her - that's rude.

Well - that's all for the weekend update - Oh wait - I did notice that a new American Apparel store is open in Wicker Park. For all you "I'm so sick of Juicy - but there is nothing good out there to replace my hoodies" go check american apparel out. Prices are very reasonable and colors are swank.

South Beach Diet

2004-11-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

Hi - I started the south beach diet today and I already had bread....No one told me you can't eat bread on the south beach diet!!!! That's not cheating right?

I am going on a diet due to an upcoming trip down to the keys - not because I over did it this Thanksgiving weekend....thank you very much.

I will keep a Bridget Jones type of diary on my diet here on out to keep you posted of my progress....

Day One - Still fat.....had bread.....it was good - might be going to hell for cheating on diet and was tempted to by a lotto ticket as well - muhahaha

The Circus Is In Town

2004-11-22T18:29:00.000-08:00

And you should go! Seriously! I'm not talking about that lame Weed street ex-nightclub, nor am I referring to the Saturday-night patronage of Rush Street, I mean the real circus - Ringling Bros/Barnum & Bailey, baby. While I'm not certain that it can legitimately be called the "Greatest show on earth" (a friend pointed out, and I agree, that to really be the greatest show on earth, you've got to serve beer), it's more fun than you remember, and they've updated it with some cool technical effects. Cap the night off with dinner in the bar at O'Brien's on Wells Street (listening to their jazzy lounge band) -- as Garron and I recently did -- and you've got a mellow PG evening that won't leave you with a headache the next morning -- perfect for the holiday season, since all that family time can be headache enough.

GO DRIVE OFF A CLIFF

2004-11-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

As you can see in this picture - Ashton's trucker hat phase has turned into a truck driver phase. Too bad that the only cargo the guy can seem to deliver are Demi's two not-so-cute kids.

Here is another look at the absurdity that Ashton seems to think is cool.

Now - I don't have to tell you this - but what is the rule about guys that buy huge-ass cars to ride around in - think people!

Oh yeah - that's right - he is small. Now - just remember that this was also confirmed by Britney Murphy when the two broke up several years ago. For this, I say - Ashton - not only are you ruining the environment (yes, I do care about stuff other than myself) as well as looking like a pompous JackAss that has a small winnie. You are your own PUNKd bitch.

(sorry about all the swearing - Hollywood brings it out in me)

Just In Case You Need a Conversation Starter....

2004-11-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

Did you know that Magic Johnson owns a 50% share in 72 starbucks around the country?
And did you know that Kathy Ireland Kmart collection just sold their 100,000,000 pair of socks? What about the fact that Francis Ford Coppola has three resorts in Central America? Well Inc. Mag has named the top ten celebrity enterpreneurs...so follow the link and enjoy.

NOW for an MK&A update....Wow - you say - what has been going on with the turbo twins as of late - well, let me tell you that I have a spy in New York at this very minute trying to get the dirt on those little birds....so stay tuned for that juicy gossip post! How great if she saw one doing coke in a bathroom! I would PageSix that right away!

And finally - my boyfriend may end up in (gasp) jail this weekend for a run in with a law enforcement officer yesterday....details will not follow because he might have to go to court...but I will tell that it had something to do with a traffic ticket....can you believe!

Finally - Go see Tortured Soul at Metro 10ish on Saturday night...and be a cool person for a change - it will make you feel less tortured that watching those law&order reruns you were thinking about!

Things You Should Know...

2004-11-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

Before you buy a condo in Chicago: all these little town houses have ridiculously small hallways, entries, and stairs. Seriously, go measure, and you will find that each of these areas in your fabulous urban apartment/condo is probably short of the surburban house you grew up in by 8-12 inches. (And we all know 8-12 inches is a LOT.)

Why am I bringing this up? Because I just bought a new refridgerator, of the stainless steel variety that is de rigeur here in OT/LP. But I couldn't buy a cool one, side-by-side, because it wouldn't fit up my damn narrow stairs! And this is about the umpteenth time I've had this problem -- they got my beautiful entertainment cabinet all the way here from Italy only to discover they couldn't get it inside, and I almost didn't get my couch (the delivery men didn't think they could make it fit, but I threatened to cut it in half if they didn't, which scared them I think, and lo and behold, somehow they managed). This is just way too frustrating! If you have the money to buy the stuff, and you have the floor space for it, there should be a way to get it in your house. Anything else is un-American.

Not back to your regularly scheduled programming, and I promise not to talk about my furniture anymore.

So the EURO CLUB might suck after all.....

2004-11-15T16:13:00.000-08:00

Well - late saturday night we were at the Euro Club - and Jaid couldn't get a cab because she (gasp) doesn't speak any eastern european languages and the door gorillas were mean to her- so that sucked....and then this happened.....mean and ugly polish bartender stole Kate's credit card and wouldn't give it back to her - NO JOKE KIDS - The man was not going to give it back to her....we were all standing their trying to communicate with this bastard and he was like no no no (make me want to puke)

What to do in this situation??? Well - Kate started to get a little upset (kinda dramatically a little upset actually) and so - We sent Rory, my man, to the front of the house for a full-blown confrontation with the manager of the Club - or so we though anyway -

What happened next was kind of a miracle - It happend so quickly - First the manager (lots of makeup and older) goes to ugly thief bartender and demands credit card back - he signals another girl on the outside of the bar - who goes in a back room and gets card - then, and only then said credit card is returned to Kate. All the while Rory is at the front of the club looking really mean and pissed off and stuff with his cell phone out, like he was ready to call the FBI or something....

Well - as it turns out - Rory was about to call somebody - His make-believe police patrol! Apparently Rory said to the manager - "I am a cop and I am going to call my patrol if you don't give back that girl's credit card right now!" "Hurry up - they will be here in 5 minutes".....

Oh, the manager was PISSED at the thief bartender - more than we were actually at this point....but anyway....back to the story.....we leave and will never return to the Euro nightclub - where normal Chicago kids once could go and re-live their backpacking trips through eastern Europe. Now - I guess - we will just have to watch the travel channel.

Don't Let the Door Smack You in the Ass On the Way Out

2004-11-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well... Alan Keyes says that despite his loss, he's gonna stay on in Illinois to help rebuild the Republican party. Too bad he can't find a job. Maybe that has to do with the fact that he's crazy. Or maybe it has to with the fact that more than 70% of Illinoisians chose to take their chances in hell rather than vote for him.

I'm no big fan of Hillary, but considering how much Keyes ragged on her when she decided to run in NY, he's not only a bigot but a total hypocrite. Let's hope God answers my prayers and he takes his carpet-bagging self elsewhere. Jesus may not have voted for Barack Obama, but I sure did.

Get out your party shoes...

2004-11-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

Cuz Mia's having yet another 25th birthday party! I think the whole city should stop and have a moment to reflect on this momentous occasion. Happy birthday, little lady, you don't look a day over 22. And I can't wait to celebrate!!!

Its Time for Celebrity Photos

2004-11-11T09:14:00.000-08:00

Howdy Midwestern folks!

Its time for a celebrity photo roundup.

First Up

Can I have your life? You look so happy and stylish and satisfied and already have a half-grown child and are wonderful with great hair and make me sick and wish that I also have that casual sequince top and those distressed jeans....and that oversided diamond and everything....ahhh I hate you Kate, I hate you!!!

Next I think this says something about a recent trend in Hollywood.....

- Older women looking to spice up fading career must have younger hot as all get out boy on the rise arm in arm....even if these two aren't dating - P. sure knows how to make a statement at a premier...

and last but not certainly least....its Renee -

I know, I know - you are speechless, right? She doesn't have botox treatments and she is not squinting???? UNBELIEVABLE.....

Neighbor Update - Getting Worse!

2004-11-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

Boy oh boy, My upstairs neighbors are a trip. So on Saturday night - the ex boyfriend and his drunk friend chuck several half-empty bottles of bud light at their door, which causes the filled ashtray of cigis to fall on my veranda - hence I had to clean up their buds. Can you say - "get a restraining order, girls?" Or else you are going to end up on one of those Oprah shows - you know the ones, where everyone is crying and no one can believe "it" happened to them.

So I pretty much hate the girls upstairs and if creepy ex boyfriend shows up again - I may have to introduce myself and my 6 foot long steel pipe to his skinny little butt.

Shopping Alert

2004-11-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Hi - Don't buy stuff from Steve Madden. I don't like him.

Who's Moving to Europe?

2004-11-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

For all the people that said "If Bush wins, I moving to Europe/Mexico/Canada/South Pole" Its time to start packing....

In other news - Do the Republicans have too much power? I say - Yes they do. And as a Republican - that makes me dirty. But its the truth...wow - the American public made a statement last night didn't they....I don't know about you - but the Democrats shot themselves in the foot by not condeming a lot of the far left propaganda in this campaign (can anyone say Michael Moore) - because I think swing voters didn't really want to endorse W but didn't have any choice since they are worried that this country would fall victim to a welfare state if the democrats got into power....this has to be the reason - I mean - we cleaned house last night...gained in every way....its freaking me out a little bit....

Election Night Excitement

2004-11-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

Hi - how 'bout an election night bet....who's in? I bet that it will take 48 hours to predict a winner in today's presidential election. Please place your bets. It's kind of got me on edge. I love the U.S. of A.

In other news - Why are the democrates so angry? They just don't get the two party system. Time after time, I have told democrates that I am a republican, which has lead them to giving me nasty looks, speaches on how "unamerican" I am and other rude stuff. I have tried to contend with them that its good for people to have different views and all they tell me is as a woman, I am a disgrace for being Republican. I am not a disgrace. I am the oposite of a disgrace. I have also been told that I am an idiot. I have a higher IQ than 99 percent of the population according to my IQ test I took in the 2nd grade. So - I am not an idiot. I am kind of a rebel that doesn't like big government. The more $$ our federal government gets - the more $$$ they spend and the more power they ultimately have. My political views are not based on my sexual orientation or my gender. I do not become so empassioned with politics, but rather see the world objectively and side with the lesser of two evils. Any man/women/robot that has political asperations is a walking greed machine in my eyes. While society needs a government, people need to take the ultimate responsibility for their own destiny and their own lives. I don't need the federal government to hold my hand, pay for my medical needs, pay for my retirement - it would be nice, but I can and should as a responsible adult, do it myself. The people of this country need to take back there lives and start to be responsible for themselves.

My Apologies

2004-11-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

For not posting anything to amuse our loyal readers lately. I am just so darn nervous about the upcoming election, that I can't really concentrate on anything else. So seriously people, get out and vote.

On a separate note: please do not wear a shrunken tweed jacket to the polls. More on this later.

KAZE - GO NOW WHILE YOU CAN GET A TABLE

2004-10-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hi all - just reporting on the BEST sushi in the city - It's at KAZE in Roscoe Village (and yes, that's the poor man's Lakeview - but the area's got street cred). This place has ok decor, you know - minimal modern tan colors splashed along the interior with cushy seating. Its BYOB right now, which I love because you can actually have a $30 bottle of wine with dinner and pay $30 for it. But the true reason to go here is the sushi - its beyond good.

Oh - don't order the filet - my date did and he was not impressed by the tiny scoop of potatoes that went along with the dinner. But that was fine by me because he was still hungry and so we shared a baked pear!

The place was packed with people for a week night. The crowd is diverse as the neighborhood with not-so-yuppie mom out for a night on the town, hipsters with boho hats and boots on, glamour girls and boys with the blow-out hair and perfectly polished nails, blue-collar folks still a little dirty from the days work and superstars, like myself.

I'm in love again with sushi.

From Your Out of Town Correspondent

2004-10-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

I recently reviewed several of your postings and am happy to report that we, here in downtown Detroit, do not face the same maladies as the ladies of Chicago.

First of all Poncho's. I have only seen one this season and it was striped in a clownish array of bright pink, baby blue and white. Why the difference? Have you ever heard of a fashion house in Detroit? No - we can't even keep our buildings painted and boarded up, let alone worry about buying Ponchos.

Next, on meeting men. Forget HomeDepot, that's for family men who have already purchased a home to subside the whining wife at home. It's all about Greektown, the Casino that is. The young men of the Detroit, spend thier evenings gambling away. So if you can stand smoke, the charming ring of the slots and sharing your man with the Queen of Hearts, Detroit casino's are the way to go.

Finally,about the DragonFly. Oh to have the luxury to be picky about restaurants. Let's see, I could give you a review on the latest opening of Red Robin, or Olive Garden. I better get home now, driving thru the hood so I can decided if tonight is Chili's or Bennigan's.

I Hate Metromix - Part Three

2004-10-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

Ok WHAT THE HELL

Well well well - It looks like Metromix editors are at it again....they just can't get enough of posting terrible pictures on that darn website.

This one is on the FRONT page of Metromix's website..... Ugly Pirate and Smuggy Nurse Betty! Is this suppost to make us want to party on Halloween? What kind of bad drugs are those Metromixers on??? Do they think that distorting the left side of a picture makes them art photographers and edgy? The picture totally makes the girl look ugly and she doesn't deserve that. She should sue them. I would for false impersonation.

All in a days work.......

2004-10-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

Had to call 911 on my neighbor this weekend. She has a stalker boyfriend that caught her in bed with another guy. He tried to kill her - My education from Law & Order kicked in and..... I called 9-1-1. Two police cars showed up. The rest is history. I think I deserve a metal.

Where to Meet Men

2004-10-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows men met in bars are best left there. Women's mags tell you to go instead to the laundromat or a cooking class to meen men, but they have it all wrong. First of all -- guys who use the laundromat have one thing in common: they're too broke to suck it up and buy a W&D. And cooking classes -- well, those are a good place to meet other women, not men.

But fear not ladies, because I'm here to help. Although I am blessed to have a wonderful man in Garron, I realize that many of you out there are still looking for that special someone. And I know the perfect place to find him: Home Depot. How do I know this? Because I am a new homeowner, and thus have been spending a lot of time at said store. And I can tell you, the place is positively crawling with attractive men.

There are two Chicago-area Home Depots I suggest hitting, and the choice you make depends on the kind of man you are looking for. The HD on North Ave (just before the highway) is open 24 hours and is the busiest in the city. It's where all the contractors shop, so you are likely to find a lot of men who are in the business. (There are also a lot of Winnetka men who stop there on their way home to pick up items for their yards, given this HD's close proximity to the Kennedy, but I'd stay away from them -- most men in Winnetka are already married.) I know some of you may be thinking that a "construction worker" is not what you're looking for, but the key point is that most contractors are business owners, and that, my dears, is a good thing. Also, there is something undeniably sexy about a man who can fix and build things. It's just so.... well, manly! The other HD I suggest is the Lincoln Park branch, on Halsted next to Guitar Center. The typical customer there is a yuppie, who lives in LP and just bought his first condo. This guy is responsible enough to have saved a down payment, which means he's probably also responsible enough to save for a diamond! Just kidding! But seriously, he is willing to take on a project himself, rather than just pay a minion to do it. This shows initiative and financial responsibility.

Once you identify a HD customer you'd like to chat up, how you reel him in also depends on which HD you are at. I can state with complete certainty that there are never any cute, well-dressed young women in the North Ave store -- the only women around tend to be frazzled housewives. All you need to do in that store is put on some cute jeans and lipglass and stand in the middle of the main aisle looking confused. Within seconds, you will have men lining up to show you where hardware is! The men at the Halsted store tend to be a little less sure of themselves -- when your day job involves sitting at a desk, a hammer and nails can be a bit frightening. A good tactic there is to look confident and assured, and then offer to help the man. (A quick skim of any of the thousand self-help books located near the registers should be enough to give you a few talking points.) For those that are really bold, HD offers tons of opportunity to pepper your conversation with sexy double entendres (e.g., a certain emphasis placed on screw, nail, tool, or other key words).

If I haven't convinved you to give HD a try, then there's always this to consider: my college friend Natalia is currently employed as a sexy Hollywood soap star. She spends her days kissing hot guys for the General Hospital cameras and getting paid for her. But where do you think she got discovered? Yup, you guessed it -- while working as a cashier at HOME DEPOT!!!!!

The Poncho Madness Must Stop

2004-10-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've noticed the poncho craze that's sweeping our city, and indeed, our nation. They're everywhere! You can't walk into a single Starbucks in Lincoln Park these days without seeing some young lass struggling to balance her Kate Spade purse, her fat-free muffin and her double skim latte with the severely-restricted condition I like to call "poncho arms." This illustrates the first problem with the poncho: it makes even the simplest of daily tasks ridiculously hard. (Garron -- who hates ponchos much more than me -- actually sent me a link to online mag Slate, which published a great article last week chronicalling the condition and debunking other poncho myths.) More importantly, these things are just ugly. But don't take my word for it; I offer photographic evidence of some truly hideous ponchos (is there any other kind?):

Here's Leeza Gibbons of Entertainment Tonight looking just awful (although she did get her lipstick to match her poncho!).

Courtney Love, embarrassed that she has actually been caught on camera in this poncho (note the difficulty she is having balancing her Frappucino and sundry other items with the notorious "poncho arms").

Oh Lenny, and to think I used to find you sexy!!!

This poor model shrunk her poncho in the wash, and now it won't fit over her head! Too bad, because she looks cold.

Anyway, my growing hatred for ponchos reached a climax last week when I walked into Walgreens at North and Wells and saw that they are now selling "lace" ponchos for $8.99. It had just gone too far, and at that moment, I knew I had to do something. Unless you're pregnant (in which case the poncho can be a useful form of bump camouflage), you have no excuse for wearing an item that Sears.com proclaims "this year's must-have fall fashion item."

I bought up as many of those damn ugly Walgreens ponchos as I could, and took them to a party I threw at a bar on Friday night. I then doled them out to all my friends (Mia won't let me publish the picture -- it's too frightening). I figured that when confronted with a bunch of ponchos en masse, the ladies of Chicago would be forced to take a look and really see for the first time how ugly and unfashionable the poncho is.

Unfortunately, my plan failed miserably. We hadn't been there five minutes when a girl walked up and complimented us on our "super cute" outerwear. "Where did you get those?" she asked. "I've been looking for one just like that."

Arrrgggghhh! I may just have to hide under a rock until this is all over.

In Defense of (the old) Dragonfly

2004-10-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

I am sorry Ms. Mia, but you simply have no idea what you are talking about. First of all -- that is ME in that picture below! And I was eating with Genevieve and two of her friends at the OLD Dragonfly, right when it opened and some society pages photographer grabbed our picture. I don't know where you got that picture from, it is ages old -- probably Metromix put it up as the "new" Dragonfly -- they would do something stupid and wrong like that. Anyway, I have never been to the new Dragonfly, because it's on West Randolph street and I don't do that scene. But the old Dragonfly was quite nice as a restaurant/lounge, not a club. And they had fabulous lemon chicken which they would deliver to my house. Also, my brother's girlfriend is Asian (Thai) and I took her there and she LOVED it.

Skip This Scene

2004-10-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is the old Dranonfly Mandrin. The restaurant is now at a different location and supposedly way cooler - but its not. And yes, that's Jaid - a model customer, in the picture - she will defend this place to the end - only because this darn picture was plasters all over the celuloid gossip sheets when it came out.....but - whatever - I would have posted a picture of the new Dragonfly Mandrin but they haven't even updated their web-site yet - above pic is from, like 2002.

The "new" Dragonfly Mandrin is not good. The old Dragonfly Mandrin was not a cool place, either. In fact, every time I walked past the place it was 100 percent empty. And now Dragonfly Mandrin has expanded and moved. Since the old place was crap and no one went there - I don't know why or how they expanded and I am perplexed by this. How does a bad club that serves luke-warm chinese food stay open in the City? And just an FYI - this is Chicago- it is not an Asian club - My very Chinese friend Wu Yu told me that, so its on the level. Maybe some mobster ownes this place.

Since it is one of my duties to inform the readers what is fabulous and what is not fabulous around this town - I feel that I need to warn you. Dragonfly Mandrin must be a surburban club kid haven. All you need to know is this:
1. Don't go there
2. If a date takes you there, he/she must be from Schaumburg - blamburg and is not datable.
That's all kids - goodnight.

Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much

2004-10-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Okay boys and girls, it's time for everyone's favorite game: "WHO SUCKS THE MOST IN THIS GROUP OF LADIES*?"
*term used loosely

Here's what our contestants had to say:

Anna Nicole: Well, y'all, I most certainly do not suck. For one thing, I went on Trim Spa, which made me sexy again (ignore strange flappy skin on my underarms, I'm gonna get that takin' care of soon as I find a good doctor). And I married a super-wealthy really old guy, which shows I am smart (not to mention RICH!!!). And I had my own TV show, which proves I am both talented and interesting. Finally, I did a lot of drugs but have made it through, making me both real and inspirational. Top that gals!!!

Courtney Love: Listen bitches, I am the least suck chick on the planet. You wanna talk drugs, AN? You wanna talk real? I'm still on the drugs! Screw "inspirational," I'm edgy! You wanna talk "talented?" I've parlayed my dead first husband's (maybe you've heard of a guy named Kurt Cobain???) legacy into a kick-ass rock-star career! And I used my second husband (you know, only a minor actor by the name of Edward Norton!!!) to get into the movies -- anyone seen the Larry Flynt movie??? Plus, I've had tons of plastic surgery, that's why I look so fabulous.

Avril Lavigne: I don't suck, I swear...because, because... I'm edgy too! Yeah! I'm dating that guy from that rock band (no one's really ever heard of him, but he's really a punker, I swear), and I told off Joan Rivers at an awards show, and I tried pot once, and I always wear lots of thick black eyeliner! I'm talented too, I'm a really good dancer, see? And, and...
Okay, you're right! (sob!) I can't compete with you girls. I do suck!!!

Lonely? Desperate? Free on Friday night?

2004-10-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

Are you a lonely, desperate, slightly crazy gal with a bit of a bitchy, competitive edge that will do anything to get on TV and loves "making out" in hot tubs? Then this event is perfect for you!!!

ABC is recruiting for yet another season of its hit "The Bachelor" right here in Chicago this Friday. Just think of the possibilities that await you -- a good-looking, relatively smart, only slightly gay-acting man with a better-than-average job who might propose to you (or at least buy you a one-way plane ticket!) after you spend a whopping total of 15 hours together and have sex in a "fantasy suite." What's not to love?!?

Still not convinced? Well then, just consider the fame and fortune of those other Chicago gals who've made their way on the Bachelor. First, there was Liz Terzo. You remember her, right?

She didn't get picked by her man, but she did get a lot of attention for being desperate and crazy. She gets recognized everywhere she goes. I know, because I personally recently recognized her -- I saw her yapping on her cell phone while maneuvering her oversized SUV out of the Mag Mile Norstrom parking garage, and she nearly mowed down a family of Mexican immagrants. Livin' la vida loca, that Liz!

But more importantly, who could forget dear, sweet Jen Schefft? She ended up engaged to that hunk Andrew Firestone:

Jen traded her average LP trixie lifestyle (unglamourous p.r. job affording barely enough income to maintain her blonde highlights and a single Kate Spade wristelet, tiny Lincoln Park apartment shared with five of her closest friends) for a life of travel, wine, guest apperances (on Oprah! on GMA!) and a tiny San Fran apartment to share with her man and his closest friend (okay, there is some ambiguity there). So what if it didn't work out? She also got to date BILL RANCIC!!! (who Mia recently spotted at Tilly's, and yes, he is that cute.) And she was recently chosen as the new bachelorette, so she will have her pick of 25 more only-slightly-gay-acting men to make out in a hot tub with! How can she lose? How can you? Sign up now!!!!

2004-10-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

Style Goddess Alert. I purchased a pair of Moroccan slippers for a friend while I was in Paris on summer holiday. Apparently - they are the hottest thing since sliced bread! My friend was nearly knocked out by the fashion editor for NBC at THE Starbucks (Oak and Rush) asking where the shoes came from. Little miss fashion guru, yours truly - knows a good thing when she sees it in a shop on the Champs d'Elysees

Denial Is More Than Just a River In Egypt

2004-10-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so check out this picture:

Know who it is? Probably not. That's because it's KATE WINSLET. Yup, you heard me. She's unrecognizable, isn't she? Hmmm...is it airbrushing? Weight loss? Good lighting? Or serious plastic surgery?

Well, we can definitely rule out plastic surgery. Why, you ask? Because here's an excerpt from the profile of Ms. Winslet in this month's Bazaar:

"[U]nlike some of her contemporaries, Kate is resolutely opposed to Botox or cosmetic surgery. 'I would never do it,' she says firmly. 'I'm really enjoying getting older…. As an actress, I want to be able to really show the expressions on my face, and if I paralyze one part of it, then I can't do my job properly.'"

And we all know no one in Hollywood would ever lie about plastic surgery. Then again, here is a picture of Kate from a movie she did in 2001:

I say again, hmmmm...

Reason to vote democrat.

2004-10-12T16:47:00.000-07:00

If you didn't have ample reasons already.

2004-10-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

And a second reason...

And a big hello

2004-10-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

from me, the newest contributor, international woman of leisure. Sure to have marvelous witticisms to share soon.

2004-10-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

MKA NEWS FLASH ASHLEY GIVES LAP DANCES AND WEARS FUR! MK STILL SKINNY

I Hate Metromix - Part Two

2004-10-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

Guess What? Metromix has another wonder-story for us in Chicagoland. It involves timing....as in how long we wait in line at various establishments.....as if we didn't already know this - I mean - get real. I know it is going to take forever to get a drink at a hot bar - I know that one should never attempt brunch at Orange on the weekend and I know that you don't get treated well at Smoke Daddy's but - hey that didn't stop the Seinfield gang from ordering soup at the soup Nazi shop, now did it?

Again, I have to question the staff at Metromix - "Did you think this was a clever idea?" I mean, everyone knows that you can never predict how long the wait will be around this darn town....its a toss up.

Weekend Wrap-Up

2004-10-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

Will be in the country this weekend......................and you should be too.
Go to New Buffs or Lake Zurich and find a cute inn and a cute pub and a cute Italian man - and presto chango (say it together please) "We Loooove the Country"

Socialites 'R Us

2004-10-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention in the past several weeks of my never-ending party binge - that, well, there is a new bread of woman evolving in the Chicago scene. This is in part, no thanks to the Paris Hiltons of the world. Now I haven't formed a complete opinion on whether I like this new breed, it is nontheless, an interesting look into the nerosis of the Chicago Society. Here are some classifications of the new generic socialite -
1. Must have the cell-phone glued to your ear at all times - you have mastered the fake phone call-conversation in order to get out of talking to that group of Persians stalking you at the bar.
2. Must have super-bleached/or highlighted hair. I am not talking about the good kind of highlights - I am talking highlights on a fever pitch level people.
3. Must be seen at all time with the "cheap man's" Nicki Hilton look - donning denim mini-skirt from sevens, fake D&G tee bought on ebay and jelly flips.
4. Must be so over River North- cause its just too "yuppy-consultant clad boring" - but will occasionally slum back to the neighborhood to be seen by Persian mafia at Sound-Bar - if nothing else than to practice ignoring them with cell phone "trick".
5. Have just discovered that doing charity work is the best way to pick up guys, especially dressed in your psuedo "but its from BEBE" Paris Hiltonesque dress.
6. Have started to use the phrase "we make out" instead of "we hooked up", both of which mean "we had drunk sex". This throws up a smoke screen for all those that think you might be a slut - or might be a prune - but just aren't sure, allowing the generic socialite to look like a fun party girl - nothing more, nothing less.

Well - I think I kind of like the progress of the new generic socialite.....although if reminds me of the old LA girl.....I guess we are just behind here in Chicago.

Bob the Ocicat

2004-10-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

Bob the Ocicat
If you need to be cheered up, follow this remedy.
1. Click on link above.
2. Meet Bob.
3. LOL.
4. Have a nice day.

2004-10-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is why I love Europe!

THE GREAT DEBATE

2004-10-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

Oh - yeah, I know that the Vice President debate is going down this evening at 8:00 - you should watch it....and be political and stuff - cause that's good. But that's not what this post is about. It's about what to drink while watching the two duel it out....here are my suggestions
1. SoCal - Cause John Edwards is from the south
2. Class of white demi sec from a cult-winery in Wyoming - cause that's where Cheney's from.
3. Champagne - if you want to feel like Kerry while watching the debate.
4. Yoo'hoo - if you want to feel like Bush while watching the debate.
5. Vodka - neat - if you want to feel like Putin while watching the debate.
6. Carlsberg pint - if you want to feel like Blair while watching the debate.
7. Sex on the beach - if you want to feel like Clinton while watching the debate.
OR
8. Bacardi and Diet - if you want to feel sexy, skinny, hot and fabulous....and if you want to feel like you are on vacation in an exotic local with a really hot guy and you have on that killa missoni bikini...with those great malono flip flops...........incidentally - this is what the Bush twins told me they would be drinking.

I Hate Metromix - A Series

2004-10-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

Metromix.com - I say farwell to you - I remember in your youth how hot your advice would be but times have changed, and now you suck. Except for the new restaurant listings - everything else on your site is biased crap - particullary the reviews and the writing. Don't try to defend yourself - Here is an example.

Today's front page suggestion is to get the "New" margarita body massage at the Four Seasons - the story pictures an emancipated girl half naked on a massage table with tequila poured down her back- this is wrong on so many levels.
1. Margarita massage is not new - its been around since the Ritz opened its Nevis location - hello, I though everybody knew that - apparently the metromix staff is still using their beepers too.
2. The girl in the picture looks to be having the best massage of her life, as in - she's enjoying herself - and then tells readers it was way to expensive, painful and any frat boy at any irish bar in the city will rub you down with tequila for free (hey psycho, you must be desperate to think of that one!)
3. The point of all this nonscence???? (besides illustrating that MM staffers have no common sense) I guess the metromix staff is trying to tell us that having a bottle of tequila poured down your back and massaged into your skin is a bad idea - Boy, I think we already knew that METROMIX! - Most people know that if you down a bottle of tequila - you can skip the massage cause you're not gonna feel a thing.

I haven't even scratched the surface people.....I am on a Metromix war path....

Weekend Wrap-Up

2004-10-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

Its Art! The hipsters are alive and well and will be spending their Friday at the MCA looking at some good, some bad and some ugly art while chowing down on Puck's latest eats and drinking good old champagne. Then its off to - where else - La Passage for the after party.

A cool alternative to the above senario can be found at the Pilsen gallery hop also tonight from 6 to 11 - I say - get a life and check Pilsen out! You can go to the MCA any old day - this will be great, you will feel both cultures, non-elitist and good about yourself for venturing out of your yuppy 'hood you live in and....the art will probably be more inspiring. Plus - you can drink out of a paper bag down there and no one cares! Ghetto Fabulous People!

If you are the anti-artsy person - there is a Cub's game today. But I say - stay safe and stay out of Wrigleyville. The stadium is falling apart and drunk guys have been know to pull out guns and shoot people....but if you're into that - well that's fine. I hope that you make out with some frat guy in the bathroom of JB's and fall in love.

Oak Street Attitude

2004-09-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

I just have to make a comment on the suburban wives that hike into the Gold Coast like its there own fabulous playground and strut around the stores and think that they are fabulous. Well guess what, you're not. All the locals know that you don't belong - we don't care that you have a birkin bag and a cashmere hoodie from Barneys adorning your body....we don't like you - go home. How - pray tell - can you tell the difference between the suburban rich man's wife and the real mccoy of the Gold Coast rich man's wife - its very simple - the surburban rich man's wife will order iced tea at Carmines and won't even attempt a lunch at Gibsons in fear that she will see her husband there chatting up some high-class hooker. The Gold Coast rich man's wife will order either 1. Bloody Mary 2. Champagne or 3. anything with Vodka at Tavern on Rush for lunch and will occasionally find herself chatting up the HCH's at Gibsons (because, as we all know, gold diggers are like hookers, but smarter).

2004-09-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

Guess What? He's just not that into you. This book should be mandatory reading for all women so they don't have to be jerked around by guys. Trust me - its FAB!

2004-09-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Rock On Kevin - Just in case you can't read the SOOOOO 2002 trucker hat on top of his brainless head - it says "Rock out with your Cock out" I think someone should tell Mr. Spears that just because it rhymes, doesn't mean its poetic. And sorry about all the gagging my fine readers must be doing right about now.

Eye Spy

2004-09-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that there are a number of "artsy" eye's dangling from telephone wires throughout the city. They look to be the size of a postcard. What gives? If anyone has any information regarding these eyes please let me know - the last thing I think this City needs is to have "big brother" scary eyes glaring down on us as we walk to work drinking our fat-free, sugar-free, no-foam vanilla lattes.

In other news - Dan Rather - what a jerk, huh? I can't wait till he gets the "retirement" push out the door - I say - before Christmas. Is anyone up for a bet on this one? Nothing can creep me out more than looking at an aged Dan Rather with the patheic hair plugs dyed in that gross brownish grayish color. A message to all of our lovely military - not all of the media will try to tarnish your service to this country - unless, of course, you are a republican. By the way - our first president and commander in chief- yep the original George - was a republican - so you stuff yourself Dan Rather!

HIPSTER TIP: Alternative route to Michigan Avenue for Saturday or Sunday walk. 1. Take brown line to Chicago stop and use the Superior Street exit. Heading east you will see a plethora of art galleries - and your first stop Brett's Kitchen. This urban chic breakfast spot is great - grab a cup of joe and a bagle and either enjoy the savories from their cute outdoor patio or on your way east to the Mag Mile. 2. Linger along Superior and enjoy the galleries - window shop your hearts content and mingle with the art crowd in this fabulous neighborhood. 3. Once you reach LaSalle - the scenery starts to look a bit - well it starts to look like crap. So walk fast until you reach the serenity of the Gold Coast - find Roy's for after brunch drinks if you will or just keep going till you hit Nordstrom and hit the shoe department - skip the rest of the store as it is crap.

2004-09-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

The WindyCityFabulous Team

MTV - NEW SHOW ALERT

2004-09-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that a new reality TV show about Orange County brats will be on the teli this evening at 9:30 central - I would like a full report in the morning girls as you know that I can't watch MTV - it makes me go crazy and crave a fake tan.

In other news - what in the - Brits and Madonna together forever? I guess Madonna is having my favorite pop princess to her country estate to teach her lessons on having a kept husband.

AND....finally, in case you were wondering what was going on in the life of MKA (sorry, Karissa) I just have to say - skipping class! Shocking, I know - but when you're strung out on the coke - its nearly impossible to dodge all the papzi's - believe me Rita has first hand experience with this...one time at the Peninsula the same thing happend to her - now she gets real VIP treatment and is escorted to the elevator.

Have a lovely day readers!

My Name Is.......

2004-09-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

after realizing that having a blog is like, so 9 months ago - I decided - who the hell cares? I love retro - I also love the fact that this blog will be dedicated to myself and my friends - we don't care if you find it interesting - its purely for our own enjoyment. Yes, I know - who are we, you ask - well as this is the first entry so I will attempt to summarize the fabulous.

First on the friend list is KK - Life motto "Um, girls - I'm the married one" (yeah - we know, we have to see your huge ass diamond every day)
Second we have Karissa - Life motto "I just don't like Mary-Kate and Ashley" (that's find cause they told me they don't like you either Karissa)
Third on base is the lovely Rita - Life motto "Please pour me some champagne - I've had to wait on myself all day" (high-maintenance friend)
my life motto would have to be "Pink is my favorite color, pink lip-gloss, pink candy, pink nighties, pink drinkie drinks, pink, pink, pink. " (Lovely color = Lovely Girl)

Bubbles bubbles

2004-09-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

so when a friend gets married and you are in the wedding - it is customary to attend the spa before the big day to calm yourself with treatments and get mani-pedi's done for the occasion. when you get locked in a room with miss rita at the spa - here's a hint - don't let her touch anything - as the story goes - it was a cool summer day - just like any day that you wish for in may but doesn't show up until july - sitting in the private two-unit pedicure room at spa with rita, sipping champagne and reading guilty pleasure gossip mags when - low and behold - you have this conversation
Rita: I hate my chair - the waters cold and there aren't enough bubbles
Mia: I have enough bubbles and my water is fine - drink more, Rita.
Rita: Can you hand me the soaking gel - i am just going to add a little more to my tub and turn the water on.
Mia: Do you know what your doing? Don't break anything (famous last words here folks)
Rita: Um, Its a spa chair, girl - what's to break (at this Rita squirts about five tablespoons of gel into her foot tub)
- 30 seconds goes by
Rita: Mia - look - the bubbles are getting out of control - I think its going to overload
Mia: Shocking that you did this - how much did you squirt in there?
Rita: only a tiny bit (a huge lie, people) - oh no - its coming over the top of the tub - here take these bubbles (she attempts to dump a load of excess bubbles in my tub - well kinda - she missed)
Mia: What are you going to do - those bubbles just keep coming!!! (at this point - the scene is one of overflowing bubbles everywhere - on the floor, across the room from the attempted bubble transfer - i mean everywhere)
Rita: Well- we need to make up a story about this because otherwise - we are so busted.
Mia: Why does this stuff always happen to you?? Why? Just try to drain the tub - ok.
- the drained tub seemed to continue to create more and more bubbles - now this situation was getting way out of hand.

Rita: Help Mia! What are we going to do?
- the door opens - one look from the pedicurist and we knew we had to think of something fast
Mia: I know - it looks like she (as in Rita) overflowed her tub with bubbles - but what actually happend was that this guy that had received a massage came in here and asked if one of us would "finish him off" so my friend over there grabbed to spa soaking stuff and started squirting it at him - which was great cause he left-----
I was abruptly cut off by Rita - "Um, girl - I don't even believe that and I'm blonde.

Just another day in the life of the fabulous.