Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much

Okay boys and girls, it's time for everyone's favorite game: "WHO SUCKS THE MOST IN THIS GROUP OF LADIES*?"
*term used loosely


 

Here's what our contestants had to say:

Anna Nicole: Well, y'all, I most certainly do not suck. For one thing, I went on Trim Spa, which made me sexy again (ignore strange flappy skin on my underarms, I'm gonna get that takin' care of soon as I find a good doctor). And I married a super-wealthy really old guy, which shows I am smart (not to mention RICH!!!). And I had my own TV show, which proves I am both talented and interesting. Finally, I did a lot of drugs but have made it through, making me both real and inspirational. Top that gals!!!

Courtney Love: Listen bitches, I am the least suck chick on the planet. You wanna talk drugs, AN? You wanna talk real? I'm still on the drugs! Screw "inspirational," I'm edgy! You wanna talk "talented?" I've parlayed my dead first husband's (maybe you've heard of a guy named Kurt Cobain???) legacy into a kick-ass rock-star career! And I used my second husband (you know, only a minor actor by the name of Edward Norton!!!) to get into the movies -- anyone seen the Larry Flynt movie??? Plus, I've had tons of plastic surgery, that's why I look so fabulous.

Avril Lavigne: I don't suck, I swear...because, because... I'm edgy too! Yeah! I'm dating that guy from that rock band (no one's really ever heard of him, but he's really a punker, I swear), and I told off Joan Rivers at an awards show, and I tried pot once, and I always wear lots of thick black eyeliner! I'm talented too, I'm a really good dancer, see? And, and...
Okay, you're right! (sob!) I can't compete with you girls. I do suck!!!