New Year's Eve Do's and Don'ts: A public service message

So, ladies: in case you haven't been paying attention, ponchos are lame. But I know some of you refuse to give up on them, so please do me a favor, even if you have a real pretty cashmere one in your closet that you've been saving for a special occasion: FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T WEAR A PONCHO ON NEW YEAR'S EVE! It's cold, so you should wear a coat, and nothing (and I know that's saying something, given that it's New Year's Eve) could make you look more ridiculous than trying to stuff your poncho'd arms in a winter coat. Thanks.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about activities for the big night... I wish I could suggest a fabulous party, but Garron and I are multi-tasking in a low-key way this year, hitting a couple of private parties and then having a late-night dinner at a steakhouse. So if you haven't firmed up your plans yet, my only suggestion is that you avoid the Chicago-Scene party at the Drake at all costs. I made the mistake of going there my first year here in Chicago -- what a nightmare. I won't get into the rude waiters, crappy hors d'ouevres, and long lines at the bar, I'll just point out that they only have one women's bathroom! For like 500 women! The year I was in attendance, 10 minutes before midnight, one of the toilets overflowed, and the whole bathroom was flooded with piss -- seriously one of the grossest things I have ever witnessed. Stay away, stay far away.

Unless, of course, you are a horny 23-year-old guy looking to hook up with a trashy chick (in which case I don't know why you're reading this, but anyways) -- then you'll love it. But please make sure that the lady you kiss at midnight is really a lady. See Exhibit A, from the Drake party last year:


Champagne Wishes and Happy New Year to all! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO