Where to Meet Men
Everyone knows men met in bars are best left there. Women's mags tell you to go instead to the laundromat or a cooking class to meen men, but they have it all wrong. First of all -- guys who use the laundromat have one thing in common: they're too broke to suck it up and buy a W&D. And cooking classes -- well, those are a good place to meet other women, not men.
But fear not ladies, because I'm here to help. Although I am blessed to have a wonderful man in Garron, I realize that many of you out there are still looking for that special someone. And I know the perfect place to find him: Home Depot. How do I know this? Because I am a new homeowner, and thus have been spending a lot of time at said store. And I can tell you, the place is positively crawling with attractive men.
There are two Chicago-area Home Depots I suggest hitting, and the choice you make depends on the kind of man you are looking for. The HD on North Ave (just before the highway) is open 24 hours and is the busiest in the city. It's where all the contractors shop, so you are likely to find a lot of men who are in the business. (There are also a lot of Winnetka men who stop there on their way home to pick up items for their yards, given this HD's close proximity to the Kennedy, but I'd stay away from them -- most men in Winnetka are already married.) I know some of you may be thinking that a "construction worker" is not what you're looking for, but the key point is that most contractors are business owners, and that, my dears, is a good thing. Also, there is something undeniably sexy about a man who can fix and build things. It's just so.... well, manly! The other HD I suggest is the Lincoln Park branch, on Halsted next to Guitar Center. The typical customer there is a yuppie, who lives in LP and just bought his first condo. This guy is responsible enough to have saved a down payment, which means he's probably also responsible enough to save for a diamond! Just kidding! But seriously, he is willing to take on a project himself, rather than just pay a minion to do it. This shows initiative and financial responsibility.
Once you identify a HD customer you'd like to chat up, how you reel him in also depends on which HD you are at. I can state with complete certainty that there are never any cute, well-dressed young women in the North Ave store -- the only women around tend to be frazzled housewives. All you need to do in that store is put on some cute jeans and lipglass and stand in the middle of the main aisle looking confused. Within seconds, you will have men lining up to show you where hardware is! The men at the Halsted store tend to be a little less sure of themselves -- when your day job involves sitting at a desk, a hammer and nails can be a bit frightening. A good tactic there is to look confident and assured, and then offer to help the man. (A quick skim of any of the thousand self-help books located near the registers should be enough to give you a few talking points.) For those that are really bold, HD offers tons of opportunity to pepper your conversation with sexy double entendres (e.g., a certain emphasis placed on screw, nail, tool, or other key words).
If I haven't convinved you to give HD a try, then there's always this to consider: my college friend Natalia is currently employed as a sexy Hollywood soap star. She spends her days kissing hot guys for the General Hospital cameras and getting paid for her. But where do you think she got discovered? Yup, you guessed it -- while working as a cashier at HOME DEPOT!!!!!
But fear not ladies, because I'm here to help. Although I am blessed to have a wonderful man in Garron, I realize that many of you out there are still looking for that special someone. And I know the perfect place to find him: Home Depot. How do I know this? Because I am a new homeowner, and thus have been spending a lot of time at said store. And I can tell you, the place is positively crawling with attractive men.
There are two Chicago-area Home Depots I suggest hitting, and the choice you make depends on the kind of man you are looking for. The HD on North Ave (just before the highway) is open 24 hours and is the busiest in the city. It's where all the contractors shop, so you are likely to find a lot of men who are in the business. (There are also a lot of Winnetka men who stop there on their way home to pick up items for their yards, given this HD's close proximity to the Kennedy, but I'd stay away from them -- most men in Winnetka are already married.) I know some of you may be thinking that a "construction worker" is not what you're looking for, but the key point is that most contractors are business owners, and that, my dears, is a good thing. Also, there is something undeniably sexy about a man who can fix and build things. It's just so.... well, manly! The other HD I suggest is the Lincoln Park branch, on Halsted next to Guitar Center. The typical customer there is a yuppie, who lives in LP and just bought his first condo. This guy is responsible enough to have saved a down payment, which means he's probably also responsible enough to save for a diamond! Just kidding! But seriously, he is willing to take on a project himself, rather than just pay a minion to do it. This shows initiative and financial responsibility.
Once you identify a HD customer you'd like to chat up, how you reel him in also depends on which HD you are at. I can state with complete certainty that there are never any cute, well-dressed young women in the North Ave store -- the only women around tend to be frazzled housewives. All you need to do in that store is put on some cute jeans and lipglass and stand in the middle of the main aisle looking confused. Within seconds, you will have men lining up to show you where hardware is! The men at the Halsted store tend to be a little less sure of themselves -- when your day job involves sitting at a desk, a hammer and nails can be a bit frightening. A good tactic there is to look confident and assured, and then offer to help the man. (A quick skim of any of the thousand self-help books located near the registers should be enough to give you a few talking points.) For those that are really bold, HD offers tons of opportunity to pepper your conversation with sexy double entendres (e.g., a certain emphasis placed on screw, nail, tool, or other key words).
If I haven't convinved you to give HD a try, then there's always this to consider: my college friend Natalia is currently employed as a sexy Hollywood soap star. She spends her days kissing hot guys for the General Hospital cameras and getting paid for her. But where do you think she got discovered? Yup, you guessed it -- while working as a cashier at HOME DEPOT!!!!!
posted by Jaid at 8:34 PM
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